What I've been up to....

I'm sure I could spend hours writing this new and long overdue post and tell you what's really been going on. But I don't want to. I don't want to waste any more time or engery talking about the crap that I've been through in the past month or so. I will say that I have been in a bit of a funk lately though. I was forced to terminate an employee that I didn't want to let go of. It sucks when you're told that you have autonomy, but in reality you really don't. Why does anyone say this then? If you're not going to let someone make their own decisions, then don't tell them you are.

Sometimes I feel like I'm hiding behind a mask. If I really said everything I wanted to on here, someone would read it and I'd either a.) lose all my friends, b.) lose my job or c.) a and b. For example, I could go more into detail about the work situation, but then that's not real smart is it? Now granted there are somethings I will say on here and I don't care if this person is my friend or not. A couple of posts back, I mentioned something about a conversation that flew all over me. It goes something like this:

Guy: Hey, how've you been?
Me: Great, what're you up to?
Guy: Oh nothing, just seeing what you were up to.
Me: Well, I'm just hanging out around my apt.
Guy: So when you gonna get back in church?
Me: (thinking are you f'ing kidding me???) Um...well I think I've got it penciled in for about 2 weeks from now....I dunno, I can't give you a definite answer.
Guy: Well, why not?
Me: Because it doesn't work that way. I can't give you a concrete answer.
Guy: Well, I'm just worried about you cause you're not plugged in anywhere.
Me: While I appreciate your concerns, it's really ok.
Guy: Well now that you know how I feel about it, why don't you do something about it?
Me: (shocked once again) Because it's really none of your business.

And that's basically how it went down. Now I may have misquoted thata bit, if I did, my applogies. But for the most part, that's what was said. I was so mad after that. It's no one else's business what's going on with my walk with God. For so long I was a follower of a strict denomination that didn't believe in wearing pants to church or listening to anything but hymns. Then when I got to college, things changed and my eyes were opened. I always have this feeling that I must always do right. It's more about legalism than grace in my head. I'm really trying to change that mentality because any time anything goes wrong in my life, I automatically think I am being punished by God. Failed relationships, health problems, etc I always attribute that to my punishment for sin. I know now it doesn't work that way, but old habits die hard.

There's so much more for me to say and I promised Amber I would tell her 3 things about me that she didn't know of, preferably ones she can make fun of me for. Those are coming...have no fear....I'm just trying to think of some good ones.