They say things happen in threes....

Ok, since Hutch and Cap have been posting on blogspot this week, I figured I needed to step up my game as well and get to posting! Things have been crazy lately and I must announce to the world, that I, Brooke Bell, have a boyfriend. I haven't had a "boyfriend" in 2 years and I almost don't know how to act. Sure I've dated guys in the past 2 years but none of them have been called my boyfriend since March of 2004. I hate to even write about this because as my luck could possibly have it, we'll be broken up in no time. I sure hope not though....

I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, so tell us about the guy already! Well, he's a great guy, but isn't that what they all say? He's a year younger than me, has a degree and a good job so automatically he gets brownie points for that. He emailed me from match.com this summer, June to be exact, but I never would go out with him. I dunno why which is the funny part. But, we continued talking everyday via the internet. So Labor Day weekend, I finally took him up on his offer and the rest is history.

I really like him, but last night we had an uncomfortable conversation about some things that I am dealing with and it has spun me into a tailspin. For once in my life, I wasn't doing the whole "does he really like me ?" crap that I am notorious for. Just ask the Yankee...I need constant reassurance and that can tend to push people away. But this time, I was comfortable and relaxed and assured. I know it's early to be having these concerns, but I can't help it. Right before we got off the phone last night, he did reassure me that he wasn't going anywhere, but some things just take time to work through. I definitely hope that's the case here.

So here's to Hutch, Cap and myself and our new relationships!

Like a fat kid in a candy store....

COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON IS FINALLY HERE!!!!! NOW, LET'S SEE HOW MY SOUTH CAROLINA GAMECOCKS WILL DO THIS SEASON.....GO COCKS GO!!!!

I might not know where I'm goin, but I'm sure where I come from....

Ok, so I know it's been a while, but it's not that it really matters anyways. My 2 faithful readers told me that they haven't checked out my blog in a while. Oh well, I do not write for them. I write for me. Alot has been goin on since my last post which I cannot believe was on July 7th. I'm turning into the Yankee. The Yankee never posts anymore and I know he doesn't have time, but I sure do miss Six Cents.

Anyways, since I last posted I have been to Nashville for Phi Mu's 49th Convention. I have been once before but it was in 2002 (our 150th year!) in Atlanta when I was a collegian. Talk about an amazing experience this time though. It's so much different as an alumna. I went with 3 other collegians and it was neat to see them finally get what the big picture is all about. I went to alumnae workshops and I'm so fired up about how we can increase our membership for our alumnae chapter. But more on that later. It really bothers me when people say "I was in a sorority" or "I was in a fraternity." No, you're still in that organization unless you relenquished your membership. So what if you pledged almost 10 years ago, wear your letters with pride. I overheard someone say yesterday about one of our guy friends "You're not in a fraternity anymore, stop wearing your shirts from 7 years ago." That really pissed me off. Since this blog is all about rantin's, this is definitely turned into one! The traditionally black greek letter organizations are so much more active than NPC or NIFC groups as alums. It just doesn't stop for them when they graduate. After being at convention and serving as an alumnae chapter officer and advisory council member for the past 2 years, I have learned that we have so much more work to do when we graduate. It's time to give back to what has been given to us. I will gladly give all that I can to my beloved organization and my chapter because of what she has given to me. But unfortunately, too many people see it as something I did in college.

Yesterday, several members from our alumnae chapter went to the motherland, aka Phi Mu Headquarters in Peachtree City, GA. It took my breath away. This new headquarters is brand new, not even a year old. Through fundraising efforts, the new HQ is over 50% paid for and it opened in Septemeber 2005. All I can say is "Holy Quatrefoil Batman!" There were quatrefoils everywhere and it was absolutely beautiful to see our National Museum and some of the archives that were on display. In the board room, 3 original portraits hung of our 3 Founders, Mary AnnDupont Lines, Mary Elizabeth Myrick Daniel and Martha Bibb Hardaway Redding. I got a little teary eyed when I saw them. My chapter does this song called "Guardian Angels" and the opening line is "A hundred year old photograph stares out from a frame and if you look real close you'll see, our eyes are just the same." The rest of the song played through my mind as I walked through the HQ. In the words of Kathy Williams, past National President, "I AM PROUD TO BE A PHI MU!"

On this trip yesterday, several other members made the comments that no one wants to do anything, blah blah blah. But no one ever really gave me a chance to talk about my ideas that I got from convention. How will we ever know if we don't at least try! Our collegiate chapter needs our support now more than ever and all they have to do is get involved. I overheard another comment yeserday that really bothered me too. This member is moving away for postgraduate work and she said she did not want to join the alumnae chapter where she was moving to because she didn't know anyone. GEEZ! Does she not realize that by joining that local alumnae chapter she will know people???? I can't wait to move away and join a new alumnae chapter. Who else could welcome me to my new city than my sisters? I dunno, maybe I'm just on a Phi Mu high right now, but I hope that I never lose it.

Tears on my pillow.....

I don't even know why I'm up this late. Of course I do, I'm up this late every night but tonight is different. I can't stop my mind. I was in bed trying to go to sleep after I finished reading one of the most heartwrenching books ever, Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas. The book made me sob and I guess it got me thinking. In this book, this man has 2 chances at real love. Here I am, almost 25, and I've probably only come close to it once. I could have loved someone recently, but he would not allow it. So I started thinking more and more about my life. I knew I had to try and get some sleep or tomorrow would be hell. After I settled in, I rolled onto my stomach, the way I always sleep and began to sob uncontrollably as I am right now. I hate this part of my life and if one more person tells me "Oh you're only 24, you've got plenty of time" I'm going to scream. I don't care if I'm 24 or 34, my feelings are genuine and they are relevant. I'm not going to chalk these feelings up to my age. I know plenty of people my age that are married. Hell, I'm not even looking at marriage right now, truth be told it scares me to death. But for once, could someone just show interest in me for me? And not what I look like or what I can do for them. I fucked up. I allowed my "relationship" with the most recent guy to become all about sex and we've never even done anything, but that seems to be the only way he thinks of me. And of course, what guy in his right mind would admit to liking a girl only in a sexual manner. We used to talk about stuff, our likes, loves, and dislikes. We were actually getting to know each other and then bam....I made the biggest mistake. I brought up the topic of sex. And it was all over then. Everyone knows that men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love. Ladies and gentlemen, I am that girl and I don't know how to stop being that girl. I know I'm overanalytical and sometimes I'm even a bit crazy, but I have the biggest heart that just wants to love someone and have them love me back. I refuse to become a cynic and stop believing in happily ever after. It's not in my being. I'm sure I sound so pathetic right now but I don't care. I just had to get this out. I sent the Roommate a text but I figure he's asleep. I know the Yankee's asleep along with everyone else I would normally turn to. I even cried out to God tonight as I lay in my bed crying. I miss Rachael so much because on nights like these I would call her and just cry. I wish I could just get in my car and drive but geez, I can't even do that because I can't afford to waste gas. I'm just so tired of being alone and feeling insignificant to others. I know who I am and what I want out of life. Why doesn't someone else want me? OK, enough of the pity party. I'm gonna take some NyQuil and/or Benadryl and knock myself out.

Office Space

So today has been a shitty day at work. I'm sitting here right now with 11 minutes left in the work day and it's absolutely killing me. I had a meeting at 9am this morning that lasted until noon, which wouldn't have been so bad but we have a hard time staying focused and sticking to the agenda. Then I went to lunch and hung around in the main office for a little while. Came back to my office to 6 new voicemails. I usually have one or two, but not six. We have a new person in our office and appearantly someone, not saying it's her, but someone is giving out the wrong information. I've had 3 phone calls this afternoon that did not need to be transfered to me. The callers stated that they were given my number. It's just very frustrating to have to keep passing these people off, not to mention, it's not my job! AGH....everything is coming to a head right now and I'm just about to explode. And the funny thing is, it's all of the sudden. This shit just started culminating and now I feel like my shoulders could break bricks that's how tense they are. Not to mention the fact that when I needed to vent about this no one was to be found. I called and texted about 5 different people and no one has responded yet. I did talk to my boss and he tried to help, but it didn't work all that well.

Speaking of the text I sent, I think I'm gonna have to hang this new guy up. According to Master Greg of "He's Just Not That Into You" fame, this new guy's not into me because he's not calling. He'll send me a random text during the day that says "hey" so when I respond, "hey, what's up?" I get nothing in response. I'm actually kinda bummed about this one cause I really liked him too. I'm about to put a post it note on all of my phones that says "Do Not Call (fill in the blank)" I may even change the greeting message on my phone to say, Don't Call (fill in the blank). I just don't get it. Gilbert says that men say what they mean and women read too much into it. Well, this guy said I want to date you. So shouldn't that mean he wants to date me if I follow what Gilbert says? I'm so confused. I just asked his opinion. He said the guy is scared of me. Ok. Wait a minute, my previous experiences and reading the book, tell me that guys don't get scared. He said he was intimidated by me and didn't want to push me away by calling me a lot. I don't know about this one, but Gilbert said he had to call me right back. I need more information on this one. Stay tuned...

Living in the shadows....

Last night I went to a wedding of one of my sorority sisters. She was one of my new girls when I was new member educator and it was nice seeing her grow and now she's married. All of my girls from that year are getting married left and right and here I am, still single. For the most part, I'm okay with still being single, but there are times when it completely sucks. But that's not the point of this post.

I'm finally putting down on proverbial paper how I feel about a particular situation. I feel like I am living in the shadows of someone very close to me. My face is a lovely shade of green right now and I don't have a problem admitting that I am jealous. I may sound petty but I can't hold this in any longer. I feel like every time the two of us go somewhere, I am overlooked. If we are at a bar, she'll inevitably have guys hitting on her and I just sit there. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm ugly by any means and I'm a funny bitch, so I know I'm not coming off as unapproachable. But it never fails, guys flock to her. It seems our friends are always trying to set her up with guys they know, but they never offer to set me up. I sound like I should be saying "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!"

Last night is my main reason for bringing all of this up. After the wedding, we headed to a bar in town with the rest of the wedding party and other friends that were at the wedding. Well, there was a guy there who we'll call JB. JB is a very hot guy that we've known for quite some time but not really well. I personally don't know a whole lot about him except for what other people have told me about him. Oddly enough, I get shy around him, because he's that hot and I don't know how to act around super hot guys. They usually don't approach me remember? Another one of our sisters asked me if I wanted her to initiate conversation between JB and me. And of course I was a bit shy, so I got awkward and said "okay" hesitantly. So I turn around and I see my friend talking to JB. It figures. I'm making an assumption here and I'll correct myself if I'm wrong but I think he got her number. Every time I tried to talk to him last night, I turned into the complete opposite of myself. I couldn't think of anything to say and I'm not usually like that.

I tried not to make a big deal about it, so I called my friend Package Man and he knew immediately what was going on. For some reason I tend to call him when this happens. I went to his house for a little while. He talked to me for a while and gave my great hugs like he always does, so I went home. I called the Roommate when I got home last night and I just love him for everything he said. He reminded me that I am a kick ass chick and I don't want those guys who hit on my friend. He said I deserve more than they can offer me. I'm just so tired of being passed over for someone else. I know I have a lot to offer, so why don't men see that?

I started thinking about this more and more last night after I got off of the phone with the Roommate. Every time I've met a guy at the bar, she hasn't been with me. The night with the Professor, she wasn't there. There are a couple other examples that I could give, but I won't go into it right now. It's late and I'm tired. But the bottom line is, I've been feeling this for awhile now and I've never said anything to her about it. I'm sure I won't but there's always the possibility of me getting shitfaced and telling her in my drunkenness one night. I hope it doesn't come to that. For now, it'll just be our little secret.

Tara's Qestions to Ask to Avoid Dating a Douchbag

I got this off of the Coyote Ugly website. Lil, the owner, said one of her Coyotes made this list and gave it to her. She said this should be posted everywhere. I'm just doing my part to educate women! Enjoy! I'm sure my guys will love this too!

TARA'S QUESTIONS TO ASK TO AVOID DATING A DOUCHBAG

1. Do you still live with mother? Having to wipe my ass everyday is a part of life. Having to wipe his ass too is only doubling your chances of getting your hands in SHITT!!

2. What kind of car do you drive? He must drive a nicer car than yours or one equal to it. If not that just means his piece of crap car will always be broken down and guess who becomes the taxi

3. Do you have a checkbook and at least one credit card? If he doesn't that just means he has no credit and eventually he will want you to cosign in order to replace his PIECE OF SHIT CAR!

4. Do you do drugs, or have the need for drugs? Yes antidepressants fall under this category. Loser

5. What type of drunk are you? A grown man taking a piss on the floor of the living room is not exactly material you want to bring home to mom and dad.

6. How long does it take you to get ready? Taking longer than you to get ready means he is one of those pompous asses that will take the rear view mirror from you while you are putting on your makeup to check his hair

7. Have you ever been in jail and for every 10 people in your family is there more than one of them in jail? If the answer is no, follow by asking if you were dating him and he went to jail would he call you to bail him out?

8. At what temperture do you wash your underwear? You might find this question odd, but if he can't answer it you'll find yourself enjoying doing his laundry as well as yours.

9. What do you do for a living? Although the initial thought is materialistic, this question is actually showing you if you will be filling out resumes for a second job because you got stuck paying his bills too.

10. And last but not least the ever so important sex question. How often do you NEED sex? Don't get me wrong sex is great..to want it everyday is onething.. to NEED it is a flashing red sign that says CHEATER!

This is so great! I need to start using this more often!