Living in the shadows....

Last night I went to a wedding of one of my sorority sisters. She was one of my new girls when I was new member educator and it was nice seeing her grow and now she's married. All of my girls from that year are getting married left and right and here I am, still single. For the most part, I'm okay with still being single, but there are times when it completely sucks. But that's not the point of this post.

I'm finally putting down on proverbial paper how I feel about a particular situation. I feel like I am living in the shadows of someone very close to me. My face is a lovely shade of green right now and I don't have a problem admitting that I am jealous. I may sound petty but I can't hold this in any longer. I feel like every time the two of us go somewhere, I am overlooked. If we are at a bar, she'll inevitably have guys hitting on her and I just sit there. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm ugly by any means and I'm a funny bitch, so I know I'm not coming off as unapproachable. But it never fails, guys flock to her. It seems our friends are always trying to set her up with guys they know, but they never offer to set me up. I sound like I should be saying "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!"

Last night is my main reason for bringing all of this up. After the wedding, we headed to a bar in town with the rest of the wedding party and other friends that were at the wedding. Well, there was a guy there who we'll call JB. JB is a very hot guy that we've known for quite some time but not really well. I personally don't know a whole lot about him except for what other people have told me about him. Oddly enough, I get shy around him, because he's that hot and I don't know how to act around super hot guys. They usually don't approach me remember? Another one of our sisters asked me if I wanted her to initiate conversation between JB and me. And of course I was a bit shy, so I got awkward and said "okay" hesitantly. So I turn around and I see my friend talking to JB. It figures. I'm making an assumption here and I'll correct myself if I'm wrong but I think he got her number. Every time I tried to talk to him last night, I turned into the complete opposite of myself. I couldn't think of anything to say and I'm not usually like that.

I tried not to make a big deal about it, so I called my friend Package Man and he knew immediately what was going on. For some reason I tend to call him when this happens. I went to his house for a little while. He talked to me for a while and gave my great hugs like he always does, so I went home. I called the Roommate when I got home last night and I just love him for everything he said. He reminded me that I am a kick ass chick and I don't want those guys who hit on my friend. He said I deserve more than they can offer me. I'm just so tired of being passed over for someone else. I know I have a lot to offer, so why don't men see that?

I started thinking about this more and more last night after I got off of the phone with the Roommate. Every time I've met a guy at the bar, she hasn't been with me. The night with the Professor, she wasn't there. There are a couple other examples that I could give, but I won't go into it right now. It's late and I'm tired. But the bottom line is, I've been feeling this for awhile now and I've never said anything to her about it. I'm sure I won't but there's always the possibility of me getting shitfaced and telling her in my drunkenness one night. I hope it doesn't come to that. For now, it'll just be our little secret.