Pomp and Circumstance

Last night was graduation. I have officially gone into mourning. Several very important people who drifted into my life at one point or another drifted out this weekend. I have been overwhelmed by emotions this weekend and it actually surprised me. I'm typically an emotional person but I was taken aback by how I felt when this day arrived. Let me see if I can get through this without crying...

First, my dear friend Rachael graduated and is now on her way to Kansas. Her husband is stationed in Kansas and they officially moved today. I saw her last night as I was finding my way to my seat. After some small talk, I knew she needed to get to her seat on the football field. So I made the mistake of saying "okay, lemme get out of here before I make an emotional scene." To which she replied by hugging me and telling me that she loved me. And then there were tears. She has been there for me in so many ways over the past 2 years and we've shared so many things, from tapered leg jeans to passed out phone calls. I think the reality of it all is, I have a feeling I won't ever see her again and that just sucks. I love you Rachael and don't forget, we'll always have the trust tree. I can't wait for the world to see Jackson Collip....you're going to be a great mother, teaching him to treat girls the way they should be treated and not the way we've been treated.

OK, so I wasn't successful in making it through this without crying and I still have a couple more people to go.

For the past 2 years, I've had a friend that I "spend time with" every now and then. He's the one that gave me the nickname "wondermouth" and he graduated this weekend too. I saw him last night after the ceremonies were over but didn't get to talk to him. So I called him several times last night and never could get in touch with him. I thought I wasn't going to see him again before he left. He called today and came by my place to tell me goodbye. He's moving far, far away to the Sooner state and chances are I will never see him again. He hugged me good bye and kissed me one last time. And I quickly ushered him out the door so he wouldn't see me cry. You see, he and I never dated but we shared something, a connection of some sort and it wasn't just physical. To my favorite color, I will never forget you and I know you can't forget me for various and sundry reasons. HOAAH!

I've lost several staff members this weekend who are moving on because of different reasons. Each one of them has taught me so much and I know you'll go far in life. Best wishes and come back to see me.

As and adviser to my beloved chapter, I watched several women walk across that stage that I have known since they were freshmen. They were my new girls when I was new member educator and they have made me so proud. Ladies, it has been my pleasure watching you grow and develop into classy and sucessful women. Love in our bond always.

I love my job and the college environment, but I realized one thing today that I've always known but witnessed it first hand today. Nothing is ever permanent in this setting or hell in life in general. People are always going to come and go. And it never gets any easier letting these people go. One day, I'm actually going to leave Alabama. I know, shocking, right? And I can't imagine what my life is going to be like once I say goodbye to my best friend. She and I briefly talked about that tonight at dinner and decided that we would really need serious mental help when that day arrives. But in the words of the great Southern heroine, Scarlett O'Hara, "I won't think about that right now, I'll think about it tomorrow."

To all the people that have ever crossed my path for whatever reason, good or bad, long or short term, I thank you for what you have shown me, taught me, shared with me and what you mean to me.

The Very Reverend Beat-Updated

OK, so I'm pissed at how much gas is going up. Especially considering the fact that I have to drive to Spartanburg this weekend for my dear friend, Brian's wedding. I'm actually pretty excited about the wedding though. I've known Brian since I was in the seventh grade and anyone from high school or hell, even McCracken will remember that I was a part of a little group called Odyessy of the Mind. That's where I met Brian aka Reverend Beat or just Beat. I was on the 7th grade team and he was on the 9th grade team. He was the infamous cow. I remember when we made it to state at USC. Sitting in the bleachers of the Coliseum, listening to Gin Blossoms, "Hey Jealousy," I developed the biggest crush. I didn't really see Brian again until I was in the 10th grade and by then, he was a senior. We had our ups and downs that year and we even made out once or twice. But when graduation arrived, he completely shut me out and refused to talk to me. I was so hurt by that because I felt like we had developed a great friendship. He left to go to Bama and I thought I'd never see him again. I think we may have kept in touch via IMs for a while but like every other story, we'd lose touch.

My freshman year at JSU, we somehow got in touch with each other. He came to Jacksonville and ate dinner with me and my Big sister, Nia at Jeffersons. And from that point on, we've always been involved in each other's lives in some form or fashion. We even tried dating in the summer of 2002 which didn't work out. He had already graduated from Bama and moved back to Spartanburg and I was still in Jacksonville. The long distance thing just didn't work for us. Which I find ironic since he started dating his fiance in 2002. I guess I have a way of pushing men into the women they're supposed to be with...go figure.

So he called one night last semester and told me that he'd proposed. Finally! Beat had been with her for years and still hadn't proposed but he finally dropped to a knee. And now the wedding's here. And I have to leave my first child on deposit just to pay for the gas to get there. Not to mention I have to find a place to stay since I have no more family in Spartanburg. Which brings me to another point. My father has moved out of Spartanburg and lives in another city close to Charlotte. My step mom, who's really not my step mom because she divorced my father several years ago, has to take care of her mother that now lives with her, so that leaves me with no place to stay for free. Damnit!

There should be some other people I know at the wedding though...the other seniors that I hung out with that year Beat graduated. I'll also get to see possibly another group of friends from high school. They're in a band called Neal Stryker and the Bandits. They're playing in Greenville and I think I may can convince my friend Harry (see previous post) to go with me. It should be a good weekend, considering I have a final on Monday that I have no idea when I'm going to study for it. Oh well....


*after seriously thinking this through...I have no money to go to Spartanburg. Please forgive me Beat and CONGRATULATIONS!

If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane...

OK, I know a blog supposed to be for whatever you want to say, right? Sometimes I feel like I can't say what I really want to say, even on here. I have been in the same situation several times this week and it's really beginning to piss me off... I can't say what I really want to say because I'm not sure if the person I want to talk about reads this blog. I have just been annoyed beyond all measure this week. And I've had just about all I can take.

So last night I decided to go out. I was reluctant at first because it was 11:30 after all and big kids are in bed by then because they have to work the next day. I should have stayed in the bed. But no....I got up, threw on some clothes and touched up the make up and I was out the door. I had a few drinks at Brothers, which by the way, I haven't been there since I graduated with my undergrad. My friend Brad, aka It's Package Man, was deejaying last night so I felt the need to support him. Not to mention Nick was going to be there and he's my favorite birthday buddy! We threw one helluva birthday party last year since his birthday is August 5 and mine's August 6.

Moving along, as the night dwindled down and the funnel competition and bikini contest were over, I decided it was time to go to Pelhams. They have liquor, Brothers does not. So we made it in time for last call. Which meant to me that I had a short amount of time to get piss drunk. I did it the only way I know how....in a word, JAGER. Why do I do this to myself????

So I say all that to say I got piss drunk last night on a lot of Jager simply because I couldn't take any more of the bullshit. I don't know why I put up with the junk that I do. Hell why does anyone for that matter? I am so sick and tired of people who can't make up their damn minds!!!!

And so....I have purged now, and I feel better.